Sombreros

I have good news and I have bad news.

The bad news: I'm now $465 poorer than I used to be.

The good news: Yellow fever ain't got SHIT on me!

I got a whole slew of travel vaccinations yesterday, none of which were covered by insurance. (It's funny. Horizon won't pay for any preventative medicine, but they'll dig deep into their pockets once I actually contract the diseases. Go figure.)

Anyway, I received vaccinations for yellow fever, hepatitis A, and typhoid fever, a shot for tetanus, diptheria, and pertussis, as well as antimalarial medications to bring with me on my voyage. Little Johnny is ready to hit the Oregon Trail!

During the consultation, the doctor also asked me a whole bunch of questions about my daily habits:

"So, Brandon," he said. "Will you be exercising at all on your trip?"

"Mostly just running away from drug cartels," I replied.

"Well, just remember that if you exercise, it's very important to stay hydrated." Thanks, doc. "Now, how about your eating habits? Do you plan on eating any local cuisine?"

"No, no, no. Not me, doc. I was actually planning on importing BK Whoppers for the duration of my trip."

"Well, just remember to bring some immodium and pepto bismol in case your stomach doesn't agree with the local food." That's why I'm packing TWO pairs of underwear, doc. "Now, Brandon. Do you plan on having sex while in Central America?"

"Mostly just with farm animals. Maybe some rare breeds of wildlife that we don't have back in the States. I hear the rain forests are ripe for the picking."

"Well, just remember to always use condoms. Down there, they call them sombreros." A priceless piece of advice. "So, Brandon, do you have any questions?"

"Well, actually, it's more of an observation. I didn't see you throw on a 'sombrero' before you raped me with this consultation fee. Should I be concerned, doc?"